In many so- called primitive cultures it is a requirement of tribal imitation to spend a lengthy period alone in the forests or mountains, a period of coming to terms with the solitude and nonhumanity of nature so as to discover who, or what, one really is- a discovery hardly possible while the community is telling you what you are, or ought to be. He may discover, for instance, that loneliness is the masked fear of an unknown which is himself, and that the alien-looking aspect of nature is a projection upon the forests of his fear of stepping outside habitual and conditioned patterns of feeling. There is much evidence to show that for anyone who passes through the barrier of loneliness, the sense of individual isolation bursts, almost by dint of it’s own intensity, into “all-feeling” of identity with the universe. –Alan watts // Nature, Man, and Women
Its, ahem, been a while. I feel like I start every post this way because I update so infrequently anymore. I WANT to, I swear I do, its just that I often find that reading a novel, playing cards with Jeff, doing some creative project, or hanging out with friends (most of it involving a glass of wine in-hand) has sounded more enticing after a long day’s work than writing out my thoughts and updating pictures. But I still want this to be a space of documented growth and love for my family and friends, thus an update is needed and necessary, more for me than anyone else out there who might be reading this.
So, spring has sprung, and I couldn’t be more happy about it. I was in NEED of a break from the winter blues. I did okay in December and January, but February was bleak as hell– snow on the ground most days, gray skies, and cold temps kept us in the house and more than a little kooked up. Elias wasn’t happy about the lack-of-options for play which resulted in more temper tantrums and watching way too much Thomas the Train and Elmo. Also work got pretty hectic. By the end of February (and I hate February anyway) I was pleading with mother nature to just give us a hint of sunlight so my vitamin-D deficiency could be boosted and I could feel a light at the end of the tunnel. She didn’t cooperate. I had to take supplements instead just to stay sane.
But then March hit, and with it a much-needed week off and the sunlight eventually came. I was so desperate for sunshine at the end of Feb that I toyed around with the idea of taking a solo road trip to the beach to recollect myself and just get a dang break– from work, from being needed in any capacity, from blah-skies and leafless tress and gray scenery.
So last week I finally decided to drive down to the same spot Jenn and I had camped on the beach in back in July (see a few blog posts back– I wrote about it there) and just hung out for a few days. Sad thing was that it rained more than half the time I was there, but I was able to look on the bright side, and spent a good deal of my time exploring tiny beach towns, collecting seashells, and painting. It was wonderful to not have any distractions from these meditative processes that I so desperately needed. And I have to hand it to my supportive husband, he took on the responsibility of our kiddo and just let me go without much questioning. God love him.
While I was there I didn’t really have any strong epiphanies or think about anything too deeply– but I came home incredibly refreshed and with a new appreciation for my little family, my supportive parents, my incredible friendships, and this little town of Springfield which offers exponential opportunities for creativeness and exploration– something I often can’t see through the trees, so to speak.Love of life restored, I am looking forward to several things on the radar for the upcoming seasons of Spring and Summer– Elias of course is on the top of that list– his little vocabulary growing so much every day that it astounds me, but also small things like flying kites and spring seed festivals and lazy pool days, coffee conversations with friends, family coming to visit, etc. And at the end of the summer Jenn and I have a huge trip planned to visit Budapest, which ummmm, is incredible.